Patch

Patch is old. Old as dirt; old as the hills; old enough to be your father. Patch is probably the oldest thing on the farm- except for maybe Ted... And Jazzer. In my mind, Patch must have come with the farm. When Ted and Mary sold Carmen for the down-payment on the farm, Patch must have been tethered to the tree in what is now the barnyard.

Patch is old, and durable. He is so far beyond bulletproof he makes superman look fallible. He trusts everyone absolutely. He has never kicked, would never dream of it, and is the first to scold a younger pony that does. Children can run around him in circles, crawl under his legs, poke at his feet, pull on his tail, jab him in the nose, and he will simply smile at them with a dopey look upon his face. When little girls dream of a pony they can bring into the house and have tea parties with, they dream of Patch- even if they don't know it.

Patch is old, and handsome. He's a sloe-eyed paint pony, big enough to hold a good-sized adult, as well as all the children he loves. His patches- his namesakes- are light auburn these days, having faded a bit over his almost thirty years. His mane is thick and heavy that falls to the left... and to the right. His forelock is nothing short of fluffy, and nothing much beyond that. He has a beard, even far into summer, and it's the last trace of his winter coat to fall. He is fat in the belly, skinny in the knees, and soft in the muzzle- the way every pony should be.

Patch is old, and a thief of the highest degree. His talent came to fruition when I began using carrots as treats while working with Ingrid and Billie-Jo. I would fill my back pockets with thick, fat carrots that Ted bought in 50 lb. bags. Patch would meet me at the gate, and before it was latched he would have stolen the first one, nipping it from my pocket and running for the hills before I could stop him. He would take about ten minutes to eat it before he snuck up behind me again and yoinked another. He knows just how to nuzzle pockets to push out cookies and sugar cubes. He knows that if anyone in the barnyard gets a cookie he should get one too, and he won't leave you alone until he does.

Patch is old, and he steals more than just treats. If Casper has a fan club, then Patch has a cult following. Because he is so old it seems everyone knows and remembers him. When women who used to work for Ted show up at the pony rides with their own children they always point out Patch. They comment on how old he was when they were young, how old he must be now, and how he just has to be retired soon. Their children always ride him. Girls fight over Patch. I couldn't imagine my life without him; Erin holds a place for him at her home when Ted finally relinquishes him; Winter says that someday he'll be hers; Annie is simply in awe that he's still walking, and still giving rides.

Patch is old, and should probably retire soon, but wouldn't have any fun if he did. Life is good for him as it is. He spends most of his time putzing around the barnyard, doting on the baby llamas, rubbing off patches of fur on anything that will stand still long enough (his favorite scratching post is the large yellow bucket we feed hay out in), and gumming on mouthfuls of hay then spitting them out. When I make him unhappy, by shooing him out of my way or not giving him the treat he wanted, he shows his displeasure by sauntering past me and farting in my general direction. When it comes time to catch ponies to go to work, we never have to catch him. He beats us to the gate, and doesn't need a lead line on him to bring him to the trailer. He knows what's going on, and he wants to be in the middle of it. He loves giving pony rides. LOVES. When we bring him out he positively lights up with the prospect of doing it. He puffs out his chest, not his belly. His ears perk up, and I swear I've seen him grinning as I saddle him. He really truly loves what he does. I don't know what Pony-Heaven looks like, but I imagine for Patch it's a cool autumn night with a nine-year-old girl feeding him a chocolate-covered banana. (He prefers them with nuts.)

Patch is old, and I love him.